Purpose

So as I sit here in my dorm room, listening to my favorite band, there are many things on my mind. The semester is nearly over, which means all of the last minute details for papers, finals, and other assignments. It also means a transition in my life. Yesterday, I found out that the job I have so much loved is basically being terminated. Budgetary reasons happen many times within organizations, and churches are no where exempt from this. My position, being part-time, is not necessarily something that is set in stone. So, as I had been warned it could potentially happen, it still was a tough thing for me to accept.

First thought was this: what the heck am I gonna do now? This is the only job I have right now, so it is my only source of income. That being said, I have to actively begin my search for a position that will work around my school schedule and also my schedule with the church. Now that I am no longer working there (effective Jan 1), my duties will be greatly changed. I will no longer be there the whole weekend as previous, but only Sunday nights, which opens up other opportunities within the church to serve. I’ve had my taste of being a staff member at a church. I’ve seen the ins and outs of a church, the stuff that most other people don’t even get a glimpse at. Which is a huge blessing for sure, as I potentially would like to make that my full time vocation. So God placed me there for a purpose, whether it is for the learning aspect of it, the relational aspect of it, whatever it may be, God had a purpose for my time there. I met/worked with some pretty incredible people who will always have a special place. Built relationships with people, whom I otherwise would have not encountered. I learned a lot about myself, and the skills/gifts I have. So obviously God had a plan/purpose for my time there.

So with all that has gone down, I am surprisingly not depressed about it. Yesterday I was definitely bummed, as the news was definitely heartbreaking to say the least. But last night, we had our 1^st Wednesday service, which is filled with worship, communion, and group time. During the worship time, I was able to basically let go of the junk that had piled up on me a few hours earlier. I was vulnerable enough to allow to God to take my junk and realize that God has a purpose for me, a plan for the next stage of my life. I am excited to see what is gonna happen, what job I land, the journey He is gonna take me on this next part of life. I know a God who loves me so much that He died for me. Loves me so much that He has an incredible plan for me and my life. I know a God who wants nothing more than for me to have life and life more abundantly. My God is mighty to save. My God is LOVE. I just pray that I can be the loving example of my Savior, that I can be a genuine representation of the God who created me and all of us. Because without this, without this LOVE, I am nothing. I am nothing without the Jesus who lives inside me.  Like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13, without LOVE my gifts are worthless. (my paraphrase) I want nothing more than to please the God who created me. May we stand in awe of the love He has so poured on us.

Rest

So I have had a lot on my mind. There are so many things in life that can cause you to lose balance. You can get so focused on one thing, that you disregard other important things. Something I have noticed lately is the way I have been dealing with this imbalance. It has not been very good to say the least. I tend to internalize things that bother me, and in turn, becomes an ugly situation. I think I am to the point where I’m catching it before it gets to that point, which is good, but that means that I must really do something about it.

One of the things that is messing me up is the balance of my school and my church. Now, typically this would be me spending too much time at one place or another. But in this case its belief systems of how church should be done. Now, I go to a private Christian college that is 100% associated with the Assemblies of God. So everything that goes on there is affiliated with the AG. What we’re taught in theology classes and other Bible based classes are all through the doctrine of the AG. Now, I do not necessarily disagree with this doctrine, but I do not like being taught like it is the correct way. I really feel like we mustn’t limit God to our doctrine because that is not a god I want to serve. That is a god we have created to fit inside our box so we can understand Him; which is basically universal around Christianity today with the many different denominations and doctrines we have within the Christian church. Now, that is a personal belief of mine. It may or may not be correct. But I just think we must unite as followers of Christ for one common goal, to reach people who need Jesus, and to help the poor and widowed and orphaned. I feel that if we set all the other junk aside, we can make great strides in this world for God and His kingdom.

The other part to this is my church. My church is doing what I feel should be done, as far as what the church should be doing. My pastor has set aside his personal stance on doctrine and is focusing on reaching those who need Jesus, to help the poor and widowed and orphaned, and speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. So, there are these differing things I am dealing with and it is causing a major stress on my life. On top of that, I haven’t had a break for a long time. My school decided to skip the fall break and give us the whole week of Thanksgiving off. While this whole week will be awesome, having a break between the start of classes and Thanksgiving is very handy. So I have been trying to plug along, carrying the stresses of school, my internal struggles, and my lack of a break with me everywhere I go.

It’s really funny…as I’m writing this; I am realizing that something I heard this weekend is exactly what I needed to hear. We showed these videos of people who had an encounter with God at some point in their lives and decided to put God first, and themselves second. The people were all people of fame, one being Brian “Head” Welch, who was the lead guitarist for the band Korn. He had an encounter with Jesus, and Jesus took away the drug addiction he had been suffering from. The verse that had the impact on him was Matthew 11:28 which says

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

He pulled the scripture apart and realized that he was all of the above. I heard/saw this video probably 6 times and it never clicked with me.

Until I do this, I will continue to struggle. I will continue to let stupid, petty things get to me. From this point on, I must let go of my burden, let Jesus have it, and I will finally get the rest I need. So my prayer is that I can let go. Be vulnerable. Not rely on myself so much. For everyone who reads this…that you would do the same. Be vulnerable. Not rely on your own strength, but the power of Christ which strengthens us. Until we learn to rely on Jesus and Him alone, we will never find the rest that only He can give.

The Need

So this weekend was a very exhausting weekend, but rather amazing. Convoy of Hope, an organization that helps the physical and spiritual needs of people around the world, did a city-wide outreach right here in Springfield. While I have done a couple of outreaches with them here in town with my church, this weekend was another humble reminder of the need that is here in Springfield.

We tend to think of Springfield as a place where there is white picket fences and nice, clean cut families. But that is a terrible and wrong stereotype. While that is true in some parts of Springfield, the north side tells a different story. Many houses are very rundown, yards covered in trash/junk, and people are still living inside of them. It’s amazing how big the need actually is around here. Springfield is also not thought of as a ghetto, like parts of larger cities. But just because it isn’t “the ghetto” doesn’t mean it doesn’t require our attention.

This weekend really opened up my eyes again to this fact. I was working the grocery area, which was the last stop for the ones who were attending the outreach. Many people were pretty obvious as to their living conditions, with clothing that was definitely in bad condition. Many of them had poor hygiene, poor grooming, etc. Many had physical handicaps while others possibly were substance abusers. It was all very sad to see that these people were living in such terrible circumstances, that they had little to no hope. But something happened on Saturday. Any needs they had, whether dental or health needs, maybe a need for groceries, or most importantly their spiritual need, was met with one event.

Something remarkable happened to the people who attended. Not that I saw them as they entered, but I do know how they exited. Many had smiles on their faces, their spirits were definitely on the rise. Something happened between them entering the event and leaving the event. I do know that God was moving in that place, He was using all the volunteers to minister to their physical and spiritual needs. God was meeting them where they were at that time. He was using us as His hand extended, to reach these people with love, hope, maybe a haircut, dental screening, health checkup, a place for the kids to have fun, and people to genuinely care for them .

So what’s my whole point to this? All of us who call ourselves Christians…we must see the need and respond. I know we all lead busy lives, but there comes a time when we must sacrifice our “social” lives to reach out to people in need. If we want to tell people about Jesus, we must show them Jesus. Telling and doing are separate things that must be done together. In an age of “prove it and I’ll believe it”, let’s prove Jesus to them by being Jesus to them. We have to cast off our doctrinal positions and denominational views and unite to helping this city, this community with the needs it has. Only then will people come to know Jesus as the Lord of their life, only then will their lives be changed.

Thoughts

True Spirituality…what does that even mean? (get comfortable, its kinda long.)

Wednesday was a trying day for sure. Still struggling with my whole job situation, really feeling like God is distant. Funny thing about God is He is everywhere and for Him to be distant is absolutely nonsense. We tend to get that way when things aren’t going the way we feel they should. Had a conversation with a friend about job situations and all the things she is dealing with, the struggles of hearing God and what He wants. So, talking to her really made me start thinking long and hard, and it was definitely a divine conversation. God really used it to spark something inside of me. He made me question my motives and what my job really means to me, whether it means more than God or if it is just a step in the overall scheme of things. I really found that my life revolves completely around the works in my life. Fact is, I work at a church and do a job I absolutely love. But is the job about doing what God has me there for, or just for the title I hold? Is it about serving God or about serving myself?

I think this lies at the heart of spirituality as we see it. We tend to see spirituality as the things we do in view of God and man. Those things like our Bible knowledge, our prayer life, the spiritual gifts, saying the “God bless you” and “Praise God” clichés. It’s so funny what we humans have made spirituality. We turn it into a very selfish thing, all about MY spiritual growth. But, we have abandoned Jesus’ teachings in light of looking spiritually mature. When asked by a teacher of the law what the 2 greatest commandments were Jesus replied with this “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all of your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40) I believe we must start at these commandments.

Jesus said if we love Him we will obey his commands (John 14:15). This verse is a small portion of a whole section of scripture in which Jesus is talking to His disciples. Jesus commands us to love each other (John 15:12). There seems to be an underlying theme. Why I struggle so much with this is the fact that we as humans tend to make religion out of a relationship with God. In my book, religion is a dirty word. When religion happens, we tend to argue about things that are of minimal value, like how worship music should be done, whether you should have pews or chairs, or even doctrinal issues. There are so many denominations out there, all with differing theologies and differing doctrines. I go to an Assembly of God college, so I am overwhelmed with AG theology and doctrine. Not saying I disagree with it totally, but I do disagree with trying to say your specific doctrine or theology is more biblically correct than someone else’s. Every denomination does this in their own way, and by me complaining about it, am doing the same thing really. So everything I am saying is my own theology, my own doctrine in a sense. If we as the church want to get this thing right, we must be unified. In Jesus’ last prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, before he was arrested, he prayed this:

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” (John 17:20-26)

I believe we must focus on Jesus. If we want to genuinely be a light in this world, if we want to show Jesus to this world that needs Him, we must become like Him. We must love each other, so that people on the outside who don’t believe may see that we are unified and that we are “practicing what we preach”. I want to love God and people. I want to help the poor, widowed, and orphaned. I want to help heal the sick. Only by God’s power and Holy Spirit will this be possible. Those things that Paul talks about as far as spiritual gifts go, ‘spiritual maturity’, will be what God provides us with to accomplish those goals. Spirituality will look different for each person, as each of us has a gift that will complete the body of Christ. But as long as we are expending energy fighting about doctrine, we can’t focus on doing the work God has called us to, and we will never experience true spirituality.

Verses to think about:

The need to be unified:

“If you keep biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” (Galatians 5:15)

Call to Love each other:

“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.” (1 John 4:11-12)

“And He has given us this command: whoever loves God must love his brother.” (1 John 4:21)

Bummer

So Monday was quite the day. It started as your normal, run of the mill Monday. Had school, went to work. The usual…but something about this day was different and not so much good. So I usually try to be positive on a Monday morning by saying something on Facebook about how we gotta make the best of Monday’s, something that is extremely difficult to do as everyone knows. So today, I had lunch with my Youth Pastor, who is also my boss. For those of you who don’t know, I work at my church as a part-time Student Coordinator. The full-time coordinator of the same title is leaving this Wednesday, as she has a great opportunity elsewhere. While we are all excited for her new transition, we also have to fill her spot with someone. If I wasn’t a full time student, I totally would have applied for the job. But, because of my school schedule and work load, there is no way I could pull it off. So, to get to the point. We as a student ministry have to pick up the slack of what she is leaving behind. So, that means that my youth pastor, his assistant and I will all split her duties. Most of the duties I’m picking up are the design/media portion. She was a design person at heart, but filled her role quite well in the administrative side of things.  So as I’m picking up her design/media duties, there will definitely be some learning on my end. I have very little experience with design stuff, and while it will be difficult, I’m looking forward to the challenge.

So how is this bad you say? Well, in the midst of our conversation, he brought up the fact that there is a possibility of my job basically being eradicated in January, as the budget is being gone over, and they are potentially cutting all part time help. So, that kind of puts me in a pickle. I really feel like God brought me back to this ministry for a reason; that reason being was for this job. So with the loss of this job, it brings me a lot of sorrow because it’s a job that I actually enjoy, and the first job I have ever really enjoyed. It’s a huge bummer of a deal, and my first reaction was definitely a deep hurting inside. I can’t describe the disappointment that ensued from this conversation. It definitely took a toll on my day. So, no matter what I told myself today, I was still upset. I tried to tell myself that God has control, He is looking after me, if it’s in His will for me to keep this job, things will happen to keep me in this position.

Now, my youth pastor said he was trying to keep this job available and was doing what he could to keep it, but ultimately it wasn’t his overall decision. So, its nice knowing that he is essentially fighting for me, but it still doesn’t help in the fact that I may still lose this job. It hurts even thinking about this, but I know that this will ultimately help me deal with something that would be absolutely heartbreaking. And at the same time, it may help me to make the best of the opportunity I have for sure, and maybe God is just teaching me a lesson on reliance on Him and not myself. I know God is my provider, that He is watching over me, and that things will be fine regardless of what happens. So keep this in prayer, as I will certainly be doing that for sure. But thanks to the “family dinner” I had tonight with some awesome people, I feel a little better. Funny how God uses friends to give you the old morale boost. So thanks to you fine people, you know who you are!

Liberation

Something happened in me today. I was liberated somehow. I was wallowing in doubt, really questioning whether my church is on the right path or not, whether our gospel of Jesus Christ is “watered down” as I’ve heard it said, and whether we are really reaching people correctly. In my theology class, our professor had a guest speaker, who was a mentor of his. He allowed us to ask him theological questions and anything else we wanted really. We had just watched a video about Hell, which is a scary subject in itself. But in this video, instead of talking to “sinner’s” about hell, he is talking about church people. People who claim Jesus as our Saviour and still live their lives in sin, because “Jesus will forgive me.” So it is a very intense video, in which, when I find it, will indeed post it. It definitely challenges us as Christians. So we were still on that topic somewhat, and the guy who sits in front of me asked a question. Before I tell you the question, this guy is a genuine person who loves Jesus and people, and has also been through the Teen Challenge program, awesome dude to say the least. But he asked essentially that a lot of churches tend to only feed the baby Christians or the non-Christians who are attending the church and don’t feed the spiritually mature. He referred to Paul in 1 Corinthians 3 talking about feeding that church milk instead of solid food, because they weren’t ready for it. So this is a very valid question.

The answer kind of surprised me really. I was expecting the answer I have typically gotten on such matters from the school I attend, which would be that we as a church need to really change that and focus on the “meat” as it’s said. But, surprisingly, this wasn’t the answer given. The guest speaker talked about how he talked to a fellow pastor and was saying that we needed more drunken churches. What he meant was that drunk people, drug addicts, should feel comfortable enough to come to church so we can minister to them, get them sobered up, and hopefully communicate Jesus to them. Then his wife, who was standing behind him slightly, spoke up. She essentially said this “If we want the “meat” we can feed ourselves, or “self-feed” as my pastor calls it. We need to continue feeding them “milk” and those of us who are wanting “meat” can be the encouragement to those who are still “infants” in the Lord. That being said, I feel like it confirmed my stance on the role of the church.

Spiritual growth must take place through Bible reading and prayer (self-feeding), serving, and continually being open to the Holy Spirit’s leading. The church should offer serving opportunities, continue to be biblically sound, as well as being a light to its community and ultimately to the world. If we rely solely on the pastor for our spiritual growth, we miss out on what God has for us. May we be open to the leading of God’s Holy Spirit to lead our lives, so that God may be glorified in all that we do.